Last year at this time I was in my second trimester (around 17/18 weeks) and was feeling great. Morning sickness was starting to really subside, I could now tell all my friends and family members about the pregnancy (sharing the news was SO exciting), and I had more energy than I had in the first trimester when all I wanted to do was sleep. I had gone shopping with my mom for some maternity clothes and started thinking about which hospital would be the best environment for our baby to be born.
However, all that changed in the beginning of March (the 6th, I think, or right around there) when I started to bleed. I rushed to the doctor's, who had me get an ultrasound immediately. It was difficult to keep from having a total breakdown, as you can imagine. But, the ultrasound revealed news that was both good and bad - good that the baby was just fine and bad that I had a condition called a complete "Placenta Previa". I was put on immediate bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy, with the goal to keep pressure off the placenta so as to not start hemorrhaging and/or contractions. I was only 19 weeks along so they told me that our goal was to get to 25 weeks, when the baby had a shot at survival outside of the womb. If for some reason I made it to 37 weeks I would have a scheduled C-section, as babies cannot be delivered "normally" when Mom has this condition (too much bleeding for mom and baby to take).
And just like that, everything changed. I actually was surprisingly calm that evening, perhaps due to being in shock, but I think more so due to knowing that the baby doing was fine. The fear of the unknown was much worse for me, so hearing about the condition and knowing that there were things I could do to help my baby's chances made it so much more manageable.
So, I was now on bedrest and had appointments every 2 weeks with a specialist. It was SO comforting to know that he has extensive experience with the condition and had performed the C-sections on these patients hundred of times. Every appointment he would say "let's try to get another 2 weeks before the baby comes" and every appointment my husband and I would get excited that our baby's odds were improving. When I reached 28 weeks I couldn't stop thanking God.
One morning in mid-May I suddenly started bleeding profusely and was rushed to the hospital via ambulance. I won't go in to all of the many procedures/shots/blood tests/ultrasounds/transfusions/medications/etc but I was there in the hospital for about a week, with the doctors trying to keep me from bleeding anymore and to stop contractions.
On May 20th, 2009 I had another massive bleeding episode and they knew baby and I were at risk of not having enough blood so they rushed me in for an emergency C-section. No time for an epidural...just general anesthesia. Baby was just over 29 weeks gestation at the time. The only thing I remember from that day was them telling me I could reach out and touch my baby's arm, through the incubator door. I guess hubby asked me if we were going with [LL's name] and I said yes. I later, apparently, said, "wait...how did you spell the name?" and when he spelled it for me I said, "OK, good." =)
The next 8 weeks were spent basically living at the NICU center until she came home with us in July and I'll save details of that for a post at a later date (this one is getting to be MUCH longer than I had intended). =)
Lastly, I think it's really important for me to explain that I don't view these events leading up to my daughter's birth as something negative - quite the contrary. Before all of this happened I worried that I wouldn't be strong enough to get through labor, or an epidural or being a good mom...usual worries. Also, I struggled with truly being dependent on God and handing over control/worries/joys/etc. All of this changed when I had something this serious going on in my life. I had no choice but to totally hand over control of the situation to Him and trust Him completely. I got through all of the sometimes-painful medical procedures and major abdominal surgery, which took away a lot of fear for me. And, it has made me appreciate every little milestone she has (not that I wouldn't have appreciated them had none of this happened, but you get my drift). Whenever I start to complain or get frustrated about everyday challenges it doesn't take more than 30 seconds for me to recall how good He has been to me already - she and I made it through, she is perfectly normal and healthy, etc. This experience has also shown me just how wonderful and supportive our friends and family are. The prayers said on our behalf, the meals brought to our house, the flowers, the kind words, the Masses offered for us, the visits which brightened our days...you will never know how much you helped.
I wish I had a more profound way to wrap up this post but I'll just say "I couldn't be happier with my life right now". I hear the little angel waking up from her nap...time to smother her with kisses. =)
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